The New Year

When failure is not an option, how do you find peace when failure is the reality? I begin this year with a new plan that I did not anticipate and wish it was not necessary. The short version is that after months of subpar performance as an ultrasound student at my clinical site I was told that I could not advance. I was done. I have never worked so hard and still failed at what I was attempting. Small defeats are a part of life that I have used to make myself stronger. This wasn’t a small setback. It’s huge and it is no easy feat to get up some mornings. Nor is it an isolated event in an otherwise stable life. The challenge of the year is find a direction I can turn to with the resources I have remaining. I need to feel good about where I am going and accept where I have been. When faced with the imminent end of my sonography program I made two lists. My goal was a realistic list of 10 things I could do to get back to work. My second list was of 10 things I could do to stop from going crazy. I signed up for a late spring marathon and started reconnecting with friends I had not seen since my divorce. Good friends have made it possible for me to move beyond defeat. Support, encouragement and simply not treating me differently have helped me work to a new normal. Surveying my skills and experience, and interests I have decided to get my CDL and drive a truck for a while. This may be my last career, or it may just allow me to make some money and put my head back on while I consider a return to academia. I start driving school in two weeks. I don’t know what the future will bring, but I start out this year without the dread I did a year ago. For 2015 I am already committed to seven long races (2 marathons). I have already found my friends (they were never as far as I thought, or feared). 2014 is receding and 2015 is starting well. Good luck everyone, Happy New Year! Keep your feet on the road, Mark